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i want you...

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gimmick_, fruitsz_pixie, dearwestgirl, dakiyoseru, jiyongism & to anyone else who wants/should hear.

i wanted to note that i'm sorry if it seems dramatic, i didn't mean to come off that way.
i feel the need to say this, for many of you who know me know a lot about me. however what i don't mention about (until recently) is my brother kyle.

please read.Collapse )

Mar. 12th, 2007

there's been some problems with my brother lately that i had mentioned before. well, this last week supposedly my brother was supposed to finally get a spinal tap (lumbar puncture procedure) on thursday, well...they cancelled, and they didn't just let us know early. my brother had to go without food till five PM and then last minute he couldn't. they supposedly said because of "complication errors" with the equiptment. yeah okay, so my mom left nasty (well more like angry) messages to the hospital, demanding he should do this procedure early in the morning so kyle can eat! i mean...man that made me angry to find out kyle was forced to go through the day without food...just to end with nothing. what's even better >_> is that another day goes by without him eating anything, because they were going to try again. well that was cancelled too. this i am not happy about.

it's been an up and down week. i've found out about stupid things that occured and i've done a few stupid things. i've been up all night, which was at times good, at other times bad. other times i've been up because of letters, foundings, able to get a dvd burner, meet some friends! it's all been good..but the bad weighs down, and kyle is particially in that mix. however it's no one's fault in that. i asked for information, i just wish my mom was at ease for sure. but until we figure something solid for my brother my mom will still be worried, nervous.

as of now, running on three hours of sleep, nerves on the edge with everything, and thinking constantly about close friends and family..i'm not sure if i should really be around. i wanted to take a hiatus for a week to clear my head and my thoughts, but i'm afraid people will be upset with me. (which, is ALWAYS the case, that never gets old) it is i who always makes promises, it is i who always is the one to count on when it comes to things. but it is i who fears to lose the small relationships we have...so it is the problem i have..

i want to clear my thoughts so bad.

i want to breathe.

edit: i owe my grandfather the world right now. and i want to give him something larger than my heart, my life...

lots of things changed since then, i find it funny how three years have come and gone. i'm proud of myself i must say.
though i have a lot more to do. let's see where i go from there.

Feb. 5th, 2007

*_______* dbsg you never cease to amaze me. that new signle of yours...choosey lover (which i'm not sure if it's properly spelled or properly correct in speech) is so awesome. that 80's sound made me fall for you all over again. i say have more music like that! *dissapears to work >_>*
o____O;; why are my parents listening to beastie boys?

--;; i love saturday nights sometimes 8D;
i'm so annoyed, i can't draw!!! there's something wrong with my drawing-creativity ness. i swear it upsets me ._.;. i need to do something about it. i think i'm going to read a bit tomorrow andi dunno.

skdjal;sjdl;askdl;k! i wanna draw something new and nice and stuff >O! *sighs* i'll figure it out >|.


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